MANY UNHAPPY TAX RETURNS
I'm finding little jobs to do
I'm fettling and dusting
I'm whirling like a whirly thing
OCD fluster and fussing
I can't just chill and meditate,
I simply can't relax
At least my bowels stay open
When it's time to do my tax.
Some put it off till deadline day
When January's through
But me, I start my whittling
Ages before it's due.
I could've should've done it then,
It only takes a minute.
But each year I procrastinate
Too anxious to begin it.
It's not like I have property,
A spouse or fancy car,
I've just a tiny pension
And that doesn't go so far.
I vow every time not to worry,
Mine's never that complicated.
Then here I am shivering with dread and doom,
Wondering why I waited!
But still I always put it off,
Daily it haunts my mind,
Like a gremlin, ghost or gargoyle
That I just can't leave behind.
Come on, why not just do it?
Be mistress of your fear,
For the day it's filed and over
Is the highlight of my year!
Shall I just iron those curtains, now?
Should I just polish that key?
Anything has to be preferable
To the ruddy HMRC.
Think of those multi-millionaires
Avoiding their tax for years!
Yet here am I, cowering with bitten nails,
Nightmares and jittery fears!
So I'll gather my dockets and chitties,
My P60 and statements and such.
They say that tax shouldn't be taxing,
But it taxes yours truly too much!
(Written while trying to file online and constantly getting “Sorry, there was a problem handling your request. Please try again shortly.”)